Cover Your Hair or Cover Up What You Do

So many people tell me, why do you even ask about covering your hair? Of course you’re supposed to.

But it’s not that simple. It’s not that straightforward. There’s one reference in the Torah, where a woman suspected of being a sotah – an adulteress – must have her hair uncovered. From this comes the idea that observant, married Jewish women must cover their hair. There are also references in the Talmud.

There are so many arguments going back and forth. There are  plenty of women who’d love to shed the hat, the scarf, the wig, but feel shackled by peer pressure, or their husband’s pressure. Or guilt.

But I was amazed at the comments Elana Sztokman got in her blog: Choosing to Cover My Hair – and Then Not.

I was amazed that the women were, for the most part, on her side;  the men, overwhelmingly, weren’t.

I’m not here to debate the issues. I don’t think a woman who doesn’t cover her hair is wanton, heaven forbid. I don’t think covering your hair necessarily shows more modesty. But if you feel that way, be my guest.

I lived on a moshav years ago, while we were building our house. One of the rental provisos was that I, the wife, adhere strictly to the dress code. It goes without saying that I covered my hair so you couldn’t see anything.  I had to wear

• sleeves below my elbow
• a high-necked top so that my amazingly enticing collarbone couldn’t show
• below-the-knee skirts

Thankfully, open-toed sandals were okay, and socks/tights were NOT mandatory. Nothing was said about  how tight  my shirts or skirts could be. And I did see some instances of this,  especially in the teenagers.

The rabbi of this moshav is a very worthy person, whom I respect and appreciate   –  although I don’t go to his lectures anymore because I don’t sit “in the back of the bus,” in the back of the hall where the women are.  At the moshav, he’d give a lecture before the High Holy Days. He dedicated  what I thought was an inordinate amount of time to reviewing how a woman ought to dress. I thought for sure it was directed to me, the outsider, who needed some educating. But it wasn’t. No mention of the men, or their behavior.

Well, let me tell you folks, some of the men on the moshav – who are no longer there – thought  nothing of knocking on my door with the intention of coming into my house, closing the door, and chatting with me. Perfectly innocent, I guess, but I never let a guy in my house alone.  Even a friend.  I am not comfortable with it. For whatever reason.

They didn’t get it. Or maybe they thought I was not the same “type of religious” they were, so who cares? Who’s going to know?

“You keep covering your hair, and I’ll keep covering up my immodest behavior.”

And that’s all I have say on the matter.

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